That shark in Ocarina of time…
So, the lovely VGE gave me a 3DS for Christmas, and I’ve been playing ocarina of time non stop. I’m happy to report that it continues to be an excellent game over a decade later. I’m also happy to report that that weird shark at the bottom of the lakeside laboratory continues to just… be there.
It still doesn’t move, nor can you get to it. It just sits there.
When I was little I always figured that it probably was supposed to serve some purpose, but got scrapped and they just forgot to remove it, but if that was the case, why is it still there? Maybe it’s just some joke by the developers. Who knows. This time around, though, I got to thinking that maybe it doesn’t move because it’s in a lake. You know? It being a shark and all. It probably died when they put it in fresh water and that old guy on top just forgot about it.
Oops.
But then, wouldn’t the same thing happen to Lord Jabu Jabu? As best as I can tell, he (she?) is a fresh water whale. But what kind of lake is big enough to allow for a whale to evolve? Unless that endless body of water beyond that log fence zhe’s always looking at is some kind of ocean. But then that would mean that that the Soras are swimming in salt water, and that would kill them. I think?
I guess it doesn’t really matter. Jabu Jabu eats cows whole, and zhe doesn’t even fully digest them. Jabu Jabu doesn’t give a fuck.
I found this out while playing the Master Quest, where Ocarina of Time’s true fucked-up-ness is revealed in full force.
That poor cow will suffer a long painful death, as it is digested and slowly absorbed into one of Jabu Jabu’s seventeen stomachs over the next century, or until Ganondorf plots to take over once more (whichever comes first).
Worst of all, at some point after defeating the Octopus-thing-mini-boss, you find an undigested cow just sort of hanging out in the middle of stomach number fourteen (and a half). If you happen to play Epona’s song for it, it nostalgically tells you about missing the “green pastures” before laying before you the last of the milk it’s poor utters will ever produce. I felt a tinge of sadness for that cow.
I guess there’s some kind of black market for Lon-Lon racnch. I doubt they make enough money making milk deliveries. Not with that lazy ass Talon botching every delivery by taking naps so epic that only a newly hatched cuco can wake him. This is probably why you find those cows just hiding out in underground caves all over Hyrule.
Look at those poor, sad eyes. They’re exhausted from running. Always running.
Something else weird about Master Quest? The graves in the Dodongo cavern. I don’t have a picture of it, but there’s this room full of graves in the dodongo cavern. At first I thought it was a neat addition. Subtle, dark, delightfully intriguing… But then I had to look at the facts.
First of all, there’s this one room where you find just one grave that you can pull, revealing a chest with money in it. Cool. Some Goron was buried with treasure, right? No. Because then a Poe comes out. Now, I don’t have the facts to back this up, but I always assumed poes were dead Hylians. I know they’re supposed to be made of concentrated hatred or whatever, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they are hylian ghosts (head canon… dealwithit.gif). So, why are the Gorons burying dead Hyllians?
Then I remembered their desperate plea to get the Dodongo cavern unblocked because they were starving since all the best rocks grow in the cavern, etc. etc. I guess now we know what the real “Goron special crop” is.
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No wonder this guy is so angry. He was used as fertilizer.
There’s also graves inside the Deku tree for some reason. In a morbid sort of way, I guess it makes sense for the Kokiri to be buried inside their father-tree-god-thing, but at the same time it doesn’t.
Ever notice how the kokiri just seem to disappear when you walk far enough away from them? Their faeries remain, but they just fade away. At first I thought it was some kind of trick to hide how shitty the engine was (**cough** Silent Hill **cough**), but that only happens with the Kokiri. Everyone else is always there, no matter how far away you are. It seems like a weird deliberate thing to program into the game.
I’m thinking it’s because the Kokiri don’t have bodies. They just look like the do. No really. I mean, the Kokiri aren’t supposed to leave the forest, because then they die, right? But you can see Mido and other Kokiri just hanging out in Lon Lon ranch when you finish the game. So that must ultimately not be true. Unless it is, and that’s why they turn into these things in wind waker.
Anyways, if that’s the case, then for all intents and purposes the Kokiri are just ageless, formless beings derived from nature who take the form of a Hylian child to represent innocence and seem non-threatening to the ruling race. Right? Right.
So, who the FUCK are they burying inside the Deku tree?
You murdering bastards.
Come to think of it, that dead shark is pretty normal.
